Thoughts from Heathrow
As I begin to type this post, the date at my house is June 30th. Where I am, however, the date is July 1st. And why is that? Because I, anxiety-ridden ball of stress, am in London. Much like you, I have trouble believing that I am actually here.
But let's go back to beginning: I have always spoken about studying abroad with the unashamed reverence of someone who does not realize the challenge of doing so. I dreamed about it, talked about it, wrote about it for years leading up to this. In fact, I was only enrolled in college for two weeks before I marched into my study abroad adviser's office and demanded to know my options. Needless to say, that bravado wore off last night as I packed my clothes for a month in Ireland.
A word about me- I have struggled with anxiety since I was in middle school, maybe even before that. When you suffer from something so pervasive in your life, it becomes a massive part of your identity and everything you do, like it or not, becomes colored by it. As far back as I remember, my thoughts have swirled constantly around worst-case scenarios, notions of inadequacy, and a constant tug-of-war between what I want and what is allowed.
For a person with anxiety, there is the world, and then there is a dome. Everything beneath that dome is safe, meaning it is acceptable and comfortable to partake in. Everything beyond it is filled with fear and dread. I am here now because I am forcing myself to expand that dome, to widen the amount of activities that fall within the range of capability.
This trip is full of firsts for me: first plane trip, first time being away from home for so long, first time abroad. And I will be sharing my experiences on here for all of you to see! It helps to have somewhere to document my thoughts on this new journey, and I hope you will enjoy taking it with me.
